his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.