i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She has the best kind of daddy issues