If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
