I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.