Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.