I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you never un-have a 4some
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?