His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure