Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.