omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room