She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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