I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
