stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
