FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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