He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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