This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
