i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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