i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My liver just had a heart attack.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
im on a boat
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