I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
