i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
