I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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