I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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