I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
