It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
