You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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