Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
