Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
