she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
