there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
