I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
