Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
