he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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