I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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