She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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