You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize