at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
