that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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