so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
