I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
