oh god the rape fog is back!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
