If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
