i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
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sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize