We need to rekindle our bromance
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
