i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
