I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
