is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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