just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
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I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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