Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
