Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
