I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
