You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
