i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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