why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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