Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
