so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
