I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
