I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The adults are the big ones right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize