No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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