I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So. Much. Porn.