What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
