I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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