Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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