how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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