For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
