I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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