Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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