Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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