Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
