And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
