My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Panties = found
Randomize
