We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
