watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
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Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
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so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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