it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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