apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
