I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
