dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
