when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
