Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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