Small penises have feelings too.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
