Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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