Girls should come with a carfax report
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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