Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize