***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
