I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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