saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
