This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
