At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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