So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
