so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
