I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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