Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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