I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
