As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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