It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
