Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
