Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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