Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
