if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just invented taco cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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