I am spending my child support on dildos
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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