you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That was an excessively violent trivia night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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