College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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