Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
